


Take My Heart Away

by ekzxo (2870)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Pining, Suicide Attempt, Unhappy Ending, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22751062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2870/pseuds/ekzxo
Summary: Jongin still thinks about Sehun. He will always think about Sehun and only Sehun, even during his moments towards death.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2019





	Take My Heart Away

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 311  
>  **Prompt:** Even in his deathbed, the only thing in Jongin's mind is still Sehun.  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun  
>  **Side Characters:** Chen, Baekhyun, Chanyeol  
>  **Word count:** 3,772  
>  **Warning(s):** Major Character Death, References Suicide  
>  **Author's note:** im so happy to be apart of this fest as i live for agnst.  
> sorry there is no mentioning of what jongin’s case is because that’s for you to think about, and because i didn’t want to center the story around that! it’s meant to be about jongin’s heartbreak. maybe that’s the cause of his death. o-oh? think about it during your reading! enjoy your journey!

Jongin fixates his attention to the raindrops battling each other from the tip top of the window to the end. 

There’s only two things in Jongin’s presence, and one person he longs for. It’s the neutral eggshell setting— his bed sheets, lights casting on linoleum, his hospital gown. And the sound of his heart rate beating, almost wanting to dominate the sound of the rain hitting the aluminum parking roof.

He hears a faint creak, not bothering to cast his gaze to the opposite direction because he knows the person walking through the door isn’t the one he wants. A tiny part of Jongin’s sensible side reminds him that he should be thankful that he has visitors. He should cherish the company he recieves when it comes, unlike some of the patients here, like the older man, Baekhyun a few rooms down. No one ever visits Baekhyun and he only dwells on how he regrets pushing all his loved ones away when they’re out together in the courtyard.

For Jongin, he’s never forced any of his loved ones out of his life, but the most important one decided to leave.

“Hey, Jongin. Sorry it’s been a few days.” There’s another creak and that’s the sound of the chair pulling out besides him.

“Hi, Jongdae.” Jongin says calmly. He likes to assure his close friends like Jongdae and Chanyeol that their presence is appreciated but he can also tell how they’ll never be pleased with how Jongin greets them. He wishes he could try but his efforts will never be enough.

There's a light weight on his lap and curiosity strikes Jongin. He looks down to see a plastic container with aluminium foil covering it, tiny holes with steam rising out of it. It smells homemade and nostalgic, he can't distinguish every ingredient but there's a special feeling within the aroma.

"A friend brought it. Said it was his ex-husband's favorite." Jongdae says while adjusting the eating tray and placing it on top.

Jongdae straightens up his hospital bed and puts utensils on the right side of the container. He slowly unwraps the food and Jongin feels the heat rising to his face. His face is covered with the moisture of the steam, making him feel the warmest he's been since he's been admitted into the hospital a month ago. He sees carrots and broccoli pooling around in a yellow soup, pieces of chicken and rice cake noodles in the verge of submerging beneath the surface together.

There is a reason why the scent felt so familiar and warm.

"Why did you bring this?" Jongin sighs, looking away from the food.

"I thought it would make you feel better if you had comfort food." 

"I don't want it if it's not being being given by him."

Jongin remembers his first cold around Sehun. 

He was only a couple months younger than him but had strong wisdom and generosity, even if he always held a stoic expression acted like a stubborn, spoiled child. He took care of Jongin better than any of Jongin's past, better than his own family. He always made sure Jongin wore the right amount of layers if it was a cold degree outside, or applied sunscreen on Jongin because Jongin never really liked to lather it himself. He prepared Vitamin C whenever he sensed Jongin was sick. He always had his own special treatments that consisted of cuddles, forehead kisses, and Sehun Soup.

Jongin visited him at his grandmother's house with a red nose, watery eyes, and the sniffles. Sehun had been quick to tug Jongin into his home and guide him to the couch. He wrapped Jongin with blankets and told him to wait ten minutes. Within those ten minutes, he met one of Sehun's family members for the first time, and embarrassingly sneezed his boogers into one of the blankets in front of them. Sehun's grandmother told him it was fine and excused herself for the rest of the night. But during that moment, he could hear the faint mumbles shared between Sehun and his grandmother. Sehun came back out right after those exchanges. He kneeled in front of Jongin with a bowl and asked him to sit up. 

Jongin remembers the weird colors of the ingredients swimming in the blue porcelain bowl. It's what he sees now, except, its in one of Jongdae's work containers without a proper lid.

"We just— I happened to see him today since we're neighbors and all. He asked where I was headed and when I told him, he told me to wait. He gave me this a couple minutes later and said you'd feel better."

Jongin rolls his eyes. "His boyfriend was probably sick, so he had this prepared for him. I don't want leftovers."

Jongdae doesn't respond and Jongin figures he's right.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" Jongdae asks instead, voice weary and gentle.

Jongin shrugs and averts his attention back to the race of raindrops. "I'm dying soon, there's nothing you can do. I appreciate your frequent visits, but if you or Chan can't bring Sehun here, there's nothing I could possibly ask for. I am happy already. I'll find somewhere where that I can be with Sehun."

Jongdae sighs. "Jongin, I don't like when you talk like that." 

"If you don't mind me, I'm going to ask my nurse if I can visit Baekhyun's room then. He loves when we talk about these things."

"That's not healthy, come on, man."

Jongdae has always cared a little too much for him. There was always concern and worry since they became closer because of work. He became even more of an attachment since Jongin delivered the news to he and Chanyeol over a hot pot dinner. Unlike Chanyeol, he doesn't seem to accept the fact that Jongin doesn't have much left for himself.

Jongin wants to shout to him, why can't you be like Chanyeol! Why don't you want me dead like Sehun. But he doesn't want to hurt his friend like that. He doesn't want to be like Baekhyun.

So gently he tells Jongdae, "Excuse me, I am going to take this meal over to Baekhyun. He'd appreciate it."

Jongin gets up feeling slightly dizzy, attempting to adjust to standing straight since he hardly gets off his deathbed unless it's absolutely necessary. Which, is only to use the restroom, look out towards the garage in hopes to see a familiar car, or seek comfort from Baekhyun.

"I'll stop by again soon. I think Chanyeol should be coming on Friday." Jongdae says.

He insists that he'll report to the nurse on Jongin's location and walk Jongin over. Jongin agrees and lets his arm lock with Jongdae. They bid their farewells at Baekhyun's door, Jongdae handing over the bowl and Jongin bowing before entering room seven-twenty-four.

"Hey, Baek. Would you like some soup? Homemade."

Baekhyun's eyes lighten up and he makes grabby hands. "Come here, baby!"

Sometimes Baekhyun is too elated to be in the hospital. Whereas everything feels so dull, Baekhyun is the light of ray that keeps Jongin holding on. He feels less afraid of death when he's with Baekhyun because sometimes Baekhyun makes it feel okay. Much like Chanyeol, who seems to respect the fact that Jongin is incurable, Baekhyun often reminds the two of them that they'll never get better and that maybe they could die together and things will be fine.

Baekhyun has never found true love like Jongin has, but he fantasizes over it. He likes to think that a sappy story at a hospital will occur where an intern will find love at first sight with him and  _ something else _ . 

Jongin likes to share stories about he and Sehun. 

He does so even now — their most recent movie night in with bear and wolf pajamas and wearing each other’s fuzzy slipper animals that complement — as he watches the way Baekhyun indulges happily with the soup.

"You never told me how you guys broke up." Baekhyun says after licking the bowl clean.

If it were someone else, he'd tensen up and feel disrespect for being mentioned such a thing, but because it's Baekhyun — someone whose been hurt as much as he has, someone who has the same expiry date as him — he's happy to answer.

"He said I loved him too much, that it was being unhealthy. I never understood it. I never suffocated him. He said so too, that I wasn't too much for him. But I was too much for myself. What do you think that means?” 

Jongin ponders to himself for a moment and tucks his knees to his chest. He still wonders.

Baekhyun click his tongue. "Hmm, I wouldn't know either, actually."

"Yeah well, we were supposed to be married. There was no paperwork because it hadn't been official, not yet at least. I wish we did though because death is supposed to do us apart or some shit like that. Not whatever reason he had for us." Jongin sighs and stares at the window that does not have as much of a nice view as his room. He continues, “He left a week after our argument. Well, after the argument he told me he'll be away for a week, but when he came back he wanted to pack up. I figured he was upset and I thought that a few weeks would be okay but he never came back. It's been a year and I can't stop thinking about him. I don't think he knows I’m dying. But he sure as hell knows I am in the hospital.”

“What happened to you begging Chanyeol and JD? Shouldn’t he hear from them and want to see you?”

“They tell me he doesn’t.” 

What irks Jongin most is the fact that Sehun doesn’t want to see him, even on his deathbed. What makes Jongin so repulsive that he can’t visit once? Sure, they’re ex-boyfriends but they’ve shared four years together. It hurts him. It hit him like waves crashing on top of each other when Jongdae implied that Sehun called him an ex-husband. That alone makes Jongin think that their relationship is still important to Sehun.

“How much longer do you think I have?” Baekhyun mumbles gently.

“You’ve been here longer than me. Are you sure you don’t want to go through surgery?” Jongin asks with sincerely, leaning forward.

“No.” Baekhyun sighs. “When you’re ready, I’d do what you said. Together, you know?”

Jongin stands up and brings his pinky to Baekhyun’s chest. He intertwines it. They met under terrible circumstances, but Jongin doesn’t hate it one bit. He’s happy to be in the hospital or else he wouldn’t have met someone as hurt and sick as he is.

  
  
  


“Jongin? Jongin…” It’s like a mantra, soft against his ear. “Hey, Jongin?” He’s used to it — nurse, Jongdae, Chanyeol — so he remains in his state of drifting.

There’s more mumbling and then a familiar, “Jongin. Wake up.” It’s stern, but holds worry on its edge and it’s all he’s been longing for.

“Wait, I didn’t think it was going to come along this fast.” Jongin mutters, rubbing at his eyes with his thumb to confirm what they behold. 

Jongin heaves a heavy sigh when his vision is clear from haze and set on Sehun like a camera finally finding its focus. He almost looks real, even better than how Jongin remembers. His hair isn’t a rough blond with black roots peeking out like when they shared their first car ride together, but instead a raven black which brings out all of his sharp attributes. He seems to be well dressed in crisp attire, no wrinkles or shabby pieces of lint anywhere to be seen. He stands confidently with his everlasting perfect posture, being the clean and sophisticated man that Jongin had always known he’d become. Sehun stands unparalleled to anything he’s ever known and maybe whatever life this is after life is a good thing, if it means he’ll be with this Sehun through it all.

“Jongin.” Sehun breaths out.

“He  _ even _ sounds like him.” Jongin says with a slight giggle, feeling a different buzz, as if he’s in a whole ‘nother universe — and maybe that’s because he is. 

There’s white noise for a moment before Jongin hears, “I sound like who?”

“ _ You _ . You sound like my Sehun.” Jongin utters. He laughs again. He almost wonders what he looks like because it feels like everything around him is spinning rapidly and he can only see Sehun. He feels delusional but this must be the middle of the Earth. All he wanted before death was Sehun, and now he’s here with Sehun, and minor side effects of dizziness and disbelief.

“I’m not your Sehun, but I am the Sehun you know.”

“Snarky little brat. That’s him.”

Sehun sighs. Then whispers, “Jongin… How are you, Jongin?”

“I feel so happy.” Jongin insists. His arms lay at the sides of his body and he pats the mattress with joy and wiggles his feet.

“And why is that?”

“Though I didn’t get to see you before I died, I am floating somewhere and this somewhere has you in it.” Jongin grins at that, he closes his eyes again and lays on his side, curling his knees up.

“You’re very much alive, Jongin.”

That makes Jongin chuckle. In what world did Oh Sehun finally decide to come rowing in with one of their friends? Jongin vocalizes it, “No, I’m not because too many people convinced me that Oh Sehun would never visit me. It’s impossible to live a world where someone like him could care again.”

“Jongin, I care. That’s why I’m here. I care about you.” Sehun sounds almost frustrated. Like the Times Jongin had ordered him the wrong drink or came home late without telling him because he worried something could of happened. That type of frustration where it’s just a little joke in the end. 

Sehun caring about him is a joke. 

“Maybe I’m not dead yet, but I really love this dream. Keep these words coming.”

And there’s the signature Sehun huff that Jongin catches. Following that, he hears, “See, this is why I did not want to come. He’s so full of himself!”

“Wait, come on, Sehun. He’s not saying anything wrong. He just can’t believe you’re here. Can you blame him?”  _ Chanyeol _ says. 

Chanyeol. So, Chanyeol managed to get Sehun here? He knew he could always trust Chanyeol.  _ Well wait _ , Jongin remembers, this is either a dream or he’s prior afterlife. Either way, he appreciates Chanyeol in any universe. 

“Don’t you hear the insults beneath his medicated talk!”

“They didn’t give him any doses yet.”

“Well, he’s fucking crazy and I want nothing to do with him.”

Jongin takes a fist to his pillow and groans, “Your voices are too loud! Shut the fuck up. Damn, why aren’t I dead yet?”

“Jongin.” Chanyeol says with a warning tone. “Jongin, everything is fine. Everything is okay.”

Jongin jolts his eyes awake. This is more like it. Chanyeol telling him everything’s okay. He’s living his current normal life in a hospitsl bed. 

“Just woke up from the dumbest nightmare. Sehun,  _ I swear  _ he was here. Then nothing new, he was gone.” Jongin says scrunching the sheets beneath his palms. “The only person I ever loved no longer cares, nothing is okay after that. I could die tomorrow, and he wouldn’t want anything to do to me. I’m just asking for a fucking final goodbye.”

Sehun comes into view.  _ His _ Sehun in real life. He crosses his arms over his chest and… that is most certainly the look when Sehun speculated that he was cheating on him. Sehun is a fool to think Jongin would be interested in anyone other than him.

“Jongin, I’m here. I’ve been here but you couldn’t accept it and kept feeding yourself pity. Stop making me look like the bad guy. I’m here.”

Chanyeol huffs frustratedly. “You’re yelling at him, I’d see you as the bad guy. I don’t even know why Jongin is in love with you.”

Jongin turns to the window and stares towards the sky. What did he do to be put in a position like this. He murmurs, “You’re here, and it means something. But I’d rather have you never show up, than to be here because our friends forced you here.”

“I have my own reason for being here.”

“Great, tell me about it.”

“I’d regret if you left before I could tell you—”

Jongin cuts off Sehun because his sudden curiosity and hope by saying, “Tell me what?”

“Before I could tell you how much years I wasted with you.”

“What?” Jongin’s eyes widen and his eyebrows knit in confusion. He sits up now and absorbs all that is his boyfriend right before his eyes.

“Yeah, I said what I said.”

“I told you, Jongin! It was no use bringing him here!” Chanyeol snaps, pacing in circles with his hands running through his hair. 

“That’s the truth then. I’ve always wanted to hear it.” Jongin says calmly. “The only person I love has an opinion, and I respect it because I love him.”

Chanyeol groans. “Ugh, you’re insane, Jongin.”

“I know.” Jongin says with a smile full of pride. 

All that pride whirls in his system with endurance and determination. He pulls the sheets off his bed and strides out of his door, towards Baekhyun’s he bangs loudly on it with nothing but happiness. 

“Baekhyun you coming?”

Baekhyun looks down, away from the mini television propped higher towards the ceiling. “You’re not waiting until your time is up?”

“Nope, I’ve been granted my last wish.” It didn’t turn out the way he had anticipated but it gives him enough courage to fulfill what he truly wants, after Sehun, of course. 

Baekhyun hurries out of bed, nearly the same way Jongin did. He grabs his shoes from beneath the desk and slips them on. 

They intertwine arms together and Jongin laughs out loud the second they escape Baekhyun’s room, shoving pass a nurse.

“Why’d you get your shoes!”

“I dunno! All in the rush I guess!”

Jongin laughs again and he can’t stop. There’s something like adrenaline in his system and with every step he takes another shot of it. He feels like he can live now. It’s like Sehun’s words finally allowed him to break free. And with Sehun’s words, comes Jongin’s actions. Jongin’s actions push Baekhyun into doing what Baekhyun always told him about. They’ll be doing it together.

After relentless fits of giggles and Jongin running barefoot towards the elevator, they get to it. He hugs the life out of Baekhyun but there’s so much irony in that. When it chimes, they run out frantically and meet at the ledge with their toes poking the cement that raises three inches. 

Behind them, Jongin hears the metal door that he opened only seconds ago.

“Jongin, he only said that because he was upset!” Chanyeol shouts, raiding his hands in the air wildly.

Jongin argues, “Sehun is only truthful. If he said it when he was upset, he meant it.”

“Jongin, please come back.” Sehun says but why can’t Jongin hear the plea in it?

“No, Sehun. You finally, finally came. It’s all I’ve been waiting for since I got emitted. I’m ready.” Jongin says full heartedly, heart heavy but body feeling light.

Sehun refutes, calling out, “Not like this!”

“Then how else?”

“I don’t know but come back.”

Baekhyun reaches for his hand and thumbs at ur gently. He says softly, “Maybe you should. They really love you. I don’t see anyone begging me to get off this ledge.”

“Yes, Jongin. We love you.” Chanyeol adds.

“Then let me see it.” Jongin demands with aggression. He looks at a bloodshot Chanyeol, then to impassive Sehun. Baekhyun has tears in his eyes but he knows they’re happy ones. He says, “There’s not a single tear in his eye. Sehun’s always loathed me. He came to my deathbed to tell me I was a waste in his life. He’d be so happy to see this.”

“See what? Jongin, please!”

Sehun and Jongin met for the first time when they reached for the same bouquet of flowers. They had different reasons. Sehun wanted to buy them for his dog’s birthday. Jongin was dared to give them to the most handsome man of the day. He knew right away, he swarmed to the cashier with them in hand and bought them. He handed them to Sehun before Sehun could find a different pick.

Jongin wonders if Sehun will visit him with that same bunch from time to time.

“Ready, Baek?” Jongin asks.

“Since we first talked about it.”

Jongin always thinks about Sehun. He would do anything for him. He dies for him because Sehun will live better knowing that his only regret no longer lives the same lifetime as him.

There’s a hold around his waist, preventing him from moving. He looks behind to see Sehun with orbs full of tears. They cover his cheek and dribble down his jaw. And Jongin breaks for him. Everything in his chests twists at the expression on Sehun’s face. He’s never wanted to hurt him. 

“Baby, I’m here.” Jongin coos, letting go of Baekhyun and, leaning down to embrace Sehun. “Don’t cry.”

“Then don’t leave me.”

“You left me, Sehun.” Jongin reminds, despite not wanting to think about it. It just comes because it’s what he tells himself everyday. Sehun left. There’s a reason why Sehun left. There’s a reason he’s incurable and left to die on his own.

Sehun sniffles and retracts just a smidge. “Because you needed somebody to love you more. I couldn’t be that person.”

Something in Jongin’s body stops supporting him. His chest feels like boulders collapsing on top of them and his lungs are weakening, breath being caught short. His legs are wobbly and his arms flail to reach for Sehun and hold him. Even as he tries to squeeze Sehun for security, it feels like his arms won’t do it justice. He’s losing sensation in every part of his body. Being unable to stand, unable to feel Sehun’s skin beneath his fingertips. He hears screams from Sehun, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun. Jongdae is there too, and are those he and Baekhyun’s nurses Minseok and Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo and Yixing? 

Nothing works anymore, besides two things.

One of Jongin’s senses are still capable. It’s Sehun who he sees. It’s all he’s ever seen. It’s the last thing he sees. His heart isn't beating anymore, but it'll always beat for Sehun.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

>  **Author's note:** wanna know my take on jongin and baekhyun’s case? it’s hanahaki disease. he didn’t become incurable until a year after their breakup because before it, he’d been in denial, always thought sehun would come back. as for baekhyun- what do you think? :)


End file.
